IT'S official – anyone concerned about the racket that might blast out of a new bagpipe school in Ingatestone need worry no more, particularly if our reporter is trying to play.
Scarlet-cheeked, our correspondent gave one more puff on his chanter but to no avail.
"You don't have the knack," said veteran piper and owner of Nicholson's Highland Supplies Michael Heaslip, who had unnecessarily covered his ears.
Now was the turn of the 37-year-old business owner, whose family have been in love with the ancient instrument for the past century.
With a Celtic flourish he swept the bag and drones beneath his arm and blasted a powerful rendition of Scotland the Brave.
The tones produced by his grips and taorluaths (advanced finger techniques) were enchanting.
Mr Heaslip's ultimate aim is to start up his own piping band and school in Ingatestone High Street, but he's not worried about the noise.
Because despite its proud piercing pitch, only a few dogs have reportedly cowered at the drone, while horses, on the other hand, are apparently attracted to the call of the pipes.
The only reactions Mr Heaslip has ever had from people about playing in his shop have been positive.
"I play in here all the time and I've never had a complaint," he said.
"I get people watching at the window."
The father of three has taught people from the age of 7 to 83 over the past few years inside his kilt and sporran store and said beginners won't get near a full set of bag pipes for about six months, instead picking up the basics on a practice chanter that is no louder than a recorder.
By the time novices have graduated to the complete instrument, they will need to have found somewhere sensible to practice, such as farms, parks and band clubs, according to Mr Heaslip, who proudly listed the reasons why he believes piping is a great pastime.
He said: "It's like a drug, it's fun and when you start learning you want to play them more and more and more.
"It's good for the breathing, it strengthens your lungs.
"It's something you will keep doing for life and once you learn how to play the pipes you will always be in demand for parties."
Mr Heaslip is a regular at community events including the village Victorian evening.
Lessons are priced at £20 per hour and the only other start-up costs are a practice chanter (£39) and text book (£14).
A decent set of bagpipes will cost around £650.
For more information, call the shop on 01277 356969.
